That's Not Love | relationship abuse resources

THAT'S NOT
LOVE!

A social media campaign, webcomic, and informational blog about what is and isn't LOVE!

Abuse isn't RARE

1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) 18 and older in the United States have been a victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. -The Hotline.org

ABUSE FACTS

Our MISSION

That's Not Love was created to educate and empower young people through visual storytelling to learn more about relationship abuse, and how they can spot and overcome it.

ABOUT US

You MATTER!

If you, a friend, or anyone you know is experiencing any type of abuse in a relationship seek help. Everyone deserves to feel loved, valued, and safe. You are not alone. You MATTER!

FIND RESOURCES

You can break the CYCLE OF ABUSE!

Information is power. Learning how to spot abuse and what you can do if you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship can help you break the cycle of abuse!

THE CYCLE OF ABUSE

Learn about LOVE and ABUSE

Read our informational blog posts to learn more about what is and isn't love.

RED FLAGS IN RELATIONSHIPS

THE RELATIONSHIP SPECTRUM

WHY DO I MISS RED FLAGS?

DIGITAL ABUSE

ECONOMIC ABUSE

SEXUAL ABUSE & COERCION

TYPES OF ABUSE

REPRODUCTIVE COERCION

EXAMPLES OF GASLIGHTING

POST-SEPARATION ABUSE

LOVE-BOMBING

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

FEAR, OBLIGATION & GUILT

INTERMITTENT REINFORCEMENT

HOW TO BREAK A TRAUMA BOND

Spotlight
Organizations

Learn about organizations, artists, and changemakers working to end domestic violence, support survivors, increase awareness, and elevate important stories.

SPOTLIGHT

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and today we wear purple to stand with survivors and say no more to abuse. 💜

Wear Purple Day is about more than a color — it’s a reminder to speak up, listen, and educate others about the realities of abuse.

Spread the word. Start the conversation. 💬

#wearpurpleday #dvam2025 #domesticviolence #intimatepartnerabuse #thatsnotlove

You asked, we listened — our webcomic chapters are now available right on our website!💕 You can read (and share!) every chapter - no WEBTOON account or log-in needed!

It’s never been easier to spread awareness about healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships.

Check it out at www.thatsnotlove.com/webcomic (link in bio)

#dvam #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #thatsnotlove #loveisrespect #respect #noexcuseforabuse #webtoon #webcomic #webcomics

There is no excuse for abuse — ever. These are the lies we’re putting to rest for good. ⚰️

💬 “You made me do it.”
This excuse flips the script — making you feel guilty so they never have to take responsibility.
Remember: their actions are their choice.

💬 “I only did and said that because I love you so much.”
This excuse twists love into a weapon — using it to justify hurtful words or actions.
Remember: real love never needs to make you feel small or afraid.

💬 “I was just drunk / high / tired / had a bad day.”
This excuse blames substances or stress instead of the person choosing to harm you.
Remember: alcohol, drugs, or a bad day don’t cause abuse — they just reveal it. Abuse is a pattern, not a moment.

💬 “I have mental health issues. I can’t help myself.”
Having a diagnosis doesn’t remove responsibility.
Remember: if they can’t control their actions, it’s not safe for you to stay.

💬 “It’s just how I was raised.”
Someone’s past can explain their behavior, but it can’t excuse it.
Remember: it’s not your job to help them unlearn what they refuse to change. You can care about them and still choose to protect yourself.

It’s time to lay the lies to rest — because love should never hurt, control, or confuse.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship. YOU MATTER! (resources in bio) 💜💜💜

#dvam #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #thatsnotlove #loveisrespect #respect #noexcuseforabuse

Abuse isn’t about love — it’s about power and control. Abusers spin their web slowly, using tactics that trap and manipulate. 🕸️ Here are some signs you might be caught in a web of control.

👥 You feel cut off from friends and family, like you have no one to turn to (isolation).

😨 You feel scared or on edge because of their threats, anger, or aggressive behavior (intimidation).

🌀 Your partner causes you to doubt your own memory or feelings, constantly wondering if you’re “overreacting," (gaslighting).

⚖️ You feel obligated to comply with their demands, fearing conflict or punishment if you don’t (obligation / coercion).

💔➡️💖 Your partner treats you poorly, then showers you with affection, leaving you confused and unsure of what’s real life (love-bombing).

If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. 🫂 Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship (resources linked in bio).

#dvam #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #crossedboundaries #boundariesinrelationships #healthyboundaries #unhealthyboundaries #traumaresponse #stressresponse #fightorflight #fawning #freeze

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month—a time to honor survivors, remember those we’ve lost, and stand together to break the cycle of abuse. This month, we’re keeping the conversation alive and working toward safer, healthier relationships for all. 💜🕯️🤝

If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship.

#YOUMATTER #DVAM2025 #dvam #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp

We love spotting our stickers in the wild...and reminding you that #YOUMATTER!

If you or anyone you know is experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, check the resources in our bio.

#thatsnotlove #relationships #loveisrespect

💜 Domestic Violence Awareness Month is almost here!

In honor, we’ve pulled together a powerful list of podcasts that amplify survivor voices, share real stories, and remind us that domestic violence can impact every community.

🎧 Tune in, learn, and stand with survivors:
@narcissistapocalypse
@sheisyourneighbor
@somethingwaswrongpodcast
@toxicthepodcast

#respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

For National Pet Day, we sat down with Katie Campbell, President and CEO of @redroverorg to talk about the organization’s powerful work in helping people and pets escape crisis situations together. 🐶 🐱 🐰 🐹 🐾

Read the full article on our website! (link in bio)

#nationalpetday #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

Atop at the people it targets. In many homes affected by domestic violence, pets become silent victims—used as tools of manipulation, control, or retaliation. Survivors often delay leaving unsafe situations out of fear for their animals’ safety, knowing that abusers may threaten, harm, or even kill pets to exert power.

Here are some findings about the link between pets and domestic violence from the Urban Resource Institute's PALS report:

-48% of respondents were worried that their abuser would harm or kill the pets.

-37% reported that the abuser had already threatened to harm or kill pets.

-29% said pets had already been harmed or killed.

-97% of respondents said that keeping their pets with them is an important factor in deciding whether or not to seek shelter.

No one should have to choose between their safety and their pet’s life. The PALS Report reminds us that creating true safety means protecting the entire family—humans and animals alike. By raising awareness, supporting pet-friendly shelters, and advocating for survivor-centered policies, we can help ensure that love, not fear, is what defines a home.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing abuse in a relationship and are looking for a safe haven for pets, check out: www.safehavensforpets.org and remember YOU MATTER!

(resources in bio)

#nationalpetday #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

If hearing someone else describe your relationship scares you, that's not love. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and valued—because YOU MATTER!

(resources in bio)

#relationships #thatsnotlove #severance #youroutie #abuse #abuseresources #youmatter #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #emotionalabuse

Power and control are the root of abuse…here’s how they show it in @severancetvseries

🔴 FEAR AND PUNISHMENT: Employees are punished for disobedience, like in the Break Room, keeping them afraid and obedient—Lumon uses fear and intimidation to stay in control.

🚪 ISOLATION: The “Innies” are entirely cut off from their “Outies,” trapping them in Lumon’s control. They have no external support system and must rely solely on their oppressors.

🎁 LOVE-BOMBING and REWARDS: Mixing cruelty with kindness, Lumon uses small rewards to keep employees loyal and confused.

⛓️ LOSS OF AUTONOMY: Just as abusers control their victims’ choices, Lumon dictates every aspect of the Innie’s existence—where they go, what they do, even their memories. They are denied basic freedoms, like the ability to leave.

🌀 EROSION OF IDENTITY: Victims of abuse often struggle with self-worth and a fractured sense of self, just like the Innies, who have no past or future beyond Lumon. They exist only to serve.

Abuse doesn’t only happen on screen. If you or anyone you know is experiencing abuse or domestic violence, seek help (resources in bio). YOU MATTER!

#severance #lumon #youmatter #thatsnotlove #abuse #abuseresources #lovebombing #isolation #coercivecontrol #relationships #narcissism

Women's history month is filled with stories born out of resilience and courage. While we honor how far we have come, we still recognize and advocate for a world where every woman can thrive without fear of gender-based violence or abuse.

Every woman deserves safety, respect, and a voice.

#womenshistorymonth #domesticviolenceawareness #youmatter #relationships #thatsnotlove #abuse #abuseresources

Awareness is the first step toward change. Today, we’re sharing some of the most impactful PSAs on dating violence to help you recognize the signs. These messages can spark important conversations and create safer spaces for everyone.

With no further adieu, here is our list:

“Sunshine - Don’t Confuse Love for Abuse” by @dayoneny
This PSA combines a timeless song, impressive animation, and striking visuals into a powerful story that highlights some of the warning signs of abusive relationships. You can watch it on Day One NY’s youtube channel.“

Because I Love you - Delete” by @joinonelove
This PSA uses the common excuse “because I love you,” to shine a light on how controlling and obsessive behaviors are not part of healthy love.

“Abuse in Relationships - Would You Stop Yourself?” by @ukhomeoffice
Originally aired on TV in the UK in 2010 as part of the Home Office’s “This is Abuse” campaign, this PSA showcases an example of Sexual Coercion and asks the question “if you could see yourself, would you stop yourself?” to controlling partners.

“Can You Spot the Red Flags of Domestic Violence” by @theladymusgravetrust
This PSA points out red flags for domestic violence in a poignant way, revealing them in context of how they’d show up in an abusive relationship.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship (resources linked in bio).

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

Prompts to explore what healthy love truly looks like – starting with ourselves 💖✨

1. What does Love mean to you?
Take a moment to reflect. What words, feelings, and actions come to mind when you think of love?

2. What makes you feel loved?
What makes you feel truly valued? Is it through kind words, thoughtful gestures, acts of service, or simply spending quality time together?

3. How do you show love to yourself?
How do you show love and kindness to yourself? For example: spending time on hobbies, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, honoring and enforcing your boundaries, etc.

4. How do you show love to others?
Reflect on your relationships. What actions do you take to show love and care to your friends and family? For example: active listening and empathy, offering a helping hand or words of encouragement, spending time together, etc.

5. What are your must-haves in a relationship?
What traits do you think make a relationship successful? For example: Respect, shared values, open communication, etc.

6. What red flags do you want to avoid in a relationship? 🚩
What are some traits or behaviors you want to avoid in a relationship? For example: jealousy and possessiveness, criticism & put-downs, isolation from friends and family...

💜 YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH KINDNESS AND RESPECT 💜

Your happiness and well-being matter. You are worthy of love that uplifts and supports you, not tears you down. If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence, reach out for help. Remember, you are not alone. (resources in bio)

YOU MATTER! 💫

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

Online and long-distance relationships can feel safe, but abuse can happen even when you’re far away. Let's talk about how emotional, financial, verbal, and sexual abuse can happen in long-distance relationships—and how to spot the signs.

-It’s still abuse if someone manipulates, pressures, or controls you over text, calls, or video chats.

-It’s still abuse if they use distance to make you feel isolated, anxious, or guilty.

"Why didn’t you just hang up?" is a common question, but it ignores how manipulation works. Emotional abuse isn’t always obvious—it can feel like love, concern, or even your own fault. An abusive partner might guilt-trip you into staying on a call, make you believe you’re overreacting, or use emotional blackmail to keep you engaged.

Abuse can happen in online relationships in many ways, including emotional, financial, sexual and digital abuse. Just because it’s online doesn’t make it any less real.

Here are some warning signs that your online relationship might not be as healthy as you think:

-Constant pressure to talk all the time or share personal information.
-Guilt-tripping when you don’t respond quickly enough.
-Isolating you from your friends or family.
-Using threats like “I’ll hurt myself if you leave” or “You’ll regret it if you break up with me.”
-Sending explicit messages or asking for photos you’re uncomfortable with.

If you recognize any of these signs, it’s still abuse. Whether they’re near or far, emotional and verbal manipulation are real forms of control. You deserve respect, and no one has the right to make you feel unsafe- online or offline. (resources in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

"If you really loved me, you’d do this for me."
"If you cared about me, you wouldn’t say no."
"Prove your love by doing what I ask."

Why It’s Manipulative: These phrases use guilt and pressure to control you. Love isn’t about tests or ultimatums—it’s about mutual respect, trust, and personal choice.

PHRASES LIKE THIS CAN:
Create guilt and self-doubt – You start questioning your own feelings and boundaries. Undermine your autonomy – Love should never require sacrificing your personal values or comfort. Lead to unhealthy patterns – Over time, you may feel obligated to comply to “prove” your love, even when it hurts you.

WHAT HEALTHY LOVE SOUNDS LIKE:
Love should encourage open and respectful communication. Healthy love sounds like:

"I respect your decision, even if I feel differently."
"Your feelings and boundaries matter to me."

A real connection is built on trust, not tests. No one should have to prove their love through guilt or coercion.

IF SOMEONE IS MAKING YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, YOU CAN:
-Set a firm boundary: "I said no. Stop asking."
-Call out the behavior: "This feels like pressure, and that’s not okay." -Remove yourself from the situation—You don’t owe an explanation. -Talk to someone you trust—A friend, parent, teacher, or counselor.

IF YOU'VE PRESSURED SOMEONE BEFORE:
If you’ve ever said things like "Come on, just do it" or "I’ll be upset if you don’t", it’s time to rethink.

-Take responsibility. Apologize and stop the behavior.
-Learn about healthy consent. Consent is always a choice, not something you push for. -Respect boundaries.

CONTINUED IN POST...

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age. This Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, check in on the young people in your life. They may need your support. Here are 5 signs that your teen may be in a toxic relationship:

SUDDEN CHANGES IN BEHAVIOR"
You may notice your teen becoming more anxious, irritable, or secretive. They could also lose interest in activities they previously enjoyed. These changes can stem from the stress and emotional toll of a toxic relationship.

ISOLATION FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY:
If your teen starts spending significantly less time with friends and family, it may be a sign they're being isolated by their partner. They might cancel plans frequently, become anxious to go against their partner's will, or seem hesitant to discuss their relationship. This withdrawal can be a tactic used by controlling partners to limit their support system.

LOW SELF ESTEEM:
If your teen starts expressing feelings of inadequacy or doubt about their self-worth, it could be a sign of emotional manipulation. Toxic partners often use criticism and belittlement to undermine confidence, making it harder for their partner to leave the relationship.

EXCESSIVE COMMUNICATION:
A toxic partner might insist on constant communication, checking in excessively or demanding immediate responses. Your teen may feel pressured to always be available, leading to increased anxiety and dependency on their partner's approval.

PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Look out for any unexplained injuries or if your teen seems fearful or anxious when discussing their partner. Emotional abuse may not leave visible marks but can manifest through fear, depression, or a noticeable drop in their overall well-being.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship. (resources in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships

In a romantic relationship ❤️, CONSENT refers to on-going communication, mutual agreement, and boundaries for sexual activity. CONSENT is enthusiastic, informed, and mutual.

CONSENT CAN BE GIVEN OR WITHDRAWN AT ANY TIME:
You can give consent verbally, like saying "Yes," or non-verbally* (nodding, or pulling you closer) ✅.
*Note: Erection, Lubrication, and arousal can be involuntary and does NOT automatically mean consent has been given.

YOU CAN REVOKE CONSENT: if you feel uncomfortable, even if you have previously consented to a sexual activity. It is okay to change your mind 🔄. Practice checking in with your partner to ensure everyone is on the right page about what is happening in the moment.

CONSENT ISN'T FORCED, PRESSURED, MANIPULATED, or ASSUMED and DOES NOT INCLUDE: using fear, or intimidation to coerce someone into giving in sexual activity, assuming someone who is flirting or wearing certain clothes is an invitation for sexual advances, or refusing to listen to acknowledge the word "no" 🚫.

CONSENT CANNOT BE GIVEN BY: minors, people who are unconscious, sleeping, incapacitated due to drugs, alcohol, or medication, or who cannot understand or make informed decisions about sex due to mental state or capacity. It is not consent if you are threatened to say yes ⚠️.

RESPECTED SEXUAL BOUNDARIES AND CONSENT IS ESSENTIAL IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS, committed or otherwise. Both partners must be involved in the decision to participate in sexual activity. Not respecting consent can lead to sexual assault or rape.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A LACK OF CONSENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP: that's not love. Go to the link in our bio to find resources that can help.

#TDVAM #relationships #love #coercivecontrol #abuseresources #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #sexualabuse

Over 50% of teens who experience digital dating abuse report being harassed or controlled through texts or social media. 📱

Can you spot these manipulation tactics in messages?

OBLIGATION & GUILT 😔
Manipulative partners use guilt to pressure you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with. This tactic twists love into a test, making it seem like your worth is tied to meeting someone else’s demands. Love isn’t about proving yourself—it’s about mutual respect and understanding.

GASLIGHTING 💡
Messages like this are meant to make you question your reality. By dismissing your feelings or memories, a manipulative partner can make you feel confused and dependent on their version of the truth. Healthy communication validates your perspective instead of dismissing it.

UNDERMINING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM 😡
Comments like this are meant to tear you down and keep you stuck in the relationship by making you believe no one else will care for you. Remember: love should lift you up, not break you down.

Manipulative texts can seem small in the moment, but they’re often signs of deeper issues in a relationship. If you notice these red flags, trust your gut and reach out for support. 🚩

You deserve a relationship where you feel safe, respected, and valued. Pay attention to patterns, stand up for your boundaries, and don’t hesitate to get help if you need it. (resources in bio) 🔗

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

That's Not Love is 1 today! 🎂 Thank you to everyone who has supported and engaged with us to spread domestic violence awareness. Here's to continuing our journey of creating safer, stronger relationships.

Let's look back on one year of advocacy:

15 WEBCOMIC CHAPTERS PUBLISHED! 📚
We’ve published 15 informative webcomic chapters on domestic violence, covering topics such as gaslighting, consent, types of abuse, the science behind love, and more.

1 WEBSITE PUBLISHED 🌐
In October 2024, thatsnotlove.com went live with information about abuse tactics, DV resources, 25+ blogs, and more.

70+ POSTS and 10+ REELS CREATED 🎥
We've garnered over 80,000+ views across our Instagram and TikTok.

70,000+ ACCOUNTS REACHED 🌍
We reached over 70,000 accounts in 2024 with DV information, with 30,000 profiles in October alone.

Thank you for reminding us that you matter- and so do we! 💖

If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship (resources linked in bio).

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove #itsourbirthday

Happy Valentine's Day! 💞 It’s time to reflect on your relationships. Grab our Healthy and Unhealthy Relationship Bingo cards and see how your relationship stacks up.

Use the first card to check off the green flags ✅ in your relationship and the second to spot any red flags 🚩.

Swipe to see the bingo cards and start reflecting today!
To print these cards at home, download from our website (link in bio). 🖨️

Roses are red 🌹, violets are blue 💐, but always remember, real love never hurts you. True love is built on respect, trust, and kindness—it uplifts and empowers, never causes pain or fear 💖

Here are some things that Love shouldn’t not be:

DISRESPECTFUL
A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect. Disrespect, whether through harsh words, dismissive actions, or belittling behavior, has no place in real love.

CONTROLLING
Love thrives in an environment of trust and freedom. A controlling partner undermines this by dictating decisions, isolating you, or limiting your independence, which is not love.

AGGRESSIVE
If your partner belittles or humiliates you in private or public, it’s a sign of emotional manipulation, not love. Aggression, whether physical, emotional, or verbal, is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Real love is gentle, patient, and nurturing, never intimidating, name-calling, or threatening.

DISMISSIVE
True love values your feelings, thoughts, and experiences. Being dismissive—ignoring or minimizing your concerns about consent, reproduction, or boundaries—shows a lack of empathy and care, which is not a characteristic of real love.

MANIPULATIVE
Genuine love is based on honesty and transparency, not deceit or manipulation. Manipulative behavior, such as guilt-tripping, love-bombing, or gaslighting, is harmful and undermines trust in a relationship.

YOU MATTER!
If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship. (resources linked in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #relationships #domesticviolence #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #redflags #gaslighting #manipulation#love #valentinesday

It's Respect Your Health Day! Take a moment to focus on your well-being in a way that feels right for you—whether it’s moving your body, eating something nourishing, or taking time for mental rest.

Your overall health thrives when you prioritize self-care, and remember, your relationships play an equally important role in your well-being. 💖

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #respectweek #respectyourhealth #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove #valentinesday #dateideas #valentinesdateideas

This Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, it’s important to remember that while respect from others matters, self-respect is key. When you value yourself, you set the foundation for healthier relationships and stronger boundaries.

Here are five ways to show yourself respect, both in your relationships and in how you treat yourself:

1. EDUCATE YOURSELF
Learn about healthy relationships and the signs of dating violence. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions and stand up for yourself in any relationship.

2. SPEAK KINDLY TO YOURSELF
Pay attention to your inner dialogue and replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Acknowledge your strengths and achievements, and be gentle with yourself during challenging times.

3. SET PERSONAL BOUNDARIES
Clearly define what you are comfortable with in relationships and communicate these boundaries openly. Respecting your limits helps others understand your needs and values.

4. PRACTICE SELF-CARE
Dedicate time to activities that nurture your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This can include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or simply taking a break to recharge.

5. SEEK SUPPORT WHEN NEEDED
Reach out to trusted friends, family, or counselors if you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship or need guidance. Respecting yourself means recognizing when you need help and asking for it.

6. REMEMBER YOU MATTER!
If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship (resources linked in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #abuseresources #boundaries #consent

Wear orange today to stand in solidarity and raise awareness for #teendatingviolence

If you or anyone you know is experiencing abuse in a relationship, reach out for help. You are not alone (resources in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

Happy #RespectWeek! Today we "respect your vibe." Share a song that uplifts you 🎵 and reminds you of healthy relationships, self-love, and respect.

Swipe for our picks and listen to the full playlist on Spotify! 🎧🔥 (link in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #respectweek #respectyourvibe #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #wearorangeday #respectyourvibe #respectyourself #respectyourhealth #celebratehealthylove #relationships #lovebombing #coercion #gaslighting #abuse #abuseresources

Respect is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. 🧡 This Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, join us for Respect Week as we unite to champion love, respect, and safety in all relationships.

Explore the daily lineup, each designed to inspire mutual respect, self-love, and community connection. ✨

📅 FEBRUARY 10th (RESPECT YOUR VIBE) 🎶
Share a song that uplifts you and reminds you of healthy relationships, self-love, and respect. 🎧

📅 FEBRUARY 11th (WEAR ORANGE DAY) 🧡
Show your support for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month by sharing a photo of yourself wearing orange! 📸

📅 FEBRUARY 12th (RESPECT YOURSELF) 💆‍♀️
Take action by prioritizing your well-being—practice self-care, set healthy boundaries, and treat yourself with the kindness you deserve. 🌿

📅 FEBRUARY 13th (RESPECT YOUR HEALTH)
Take a moment to focus on your well-being in a way that feels right for you—whether it’s moving your body, eating something nourishing, or taking time for mental rest. 🧘

📅 FEBRUARY 14th (CELEBRATE HEALTHY LOVE)

Take a moment to appreciate and honor relationships that are built on trust, respect, and kindness. Show love by supporting each other, setting healthy boundaries, and growing together. 🌹

You are worthy of respect, kindness, and a love that lifts you up. If you or anyone you know is experiencing abuse, reach out for help. There are resources available (link in bio).

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respectweek #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #wearorangeday #respectyourvibe #respectyourself #respectyourhealth #celebratehealthylove #relationships #lovebombing #coercion #gaslighting #abuse #abuseresources

Here are some fun and low-pressure ways to show you care and have fun with your partner on Valentine’s Day:

🎲 Have a game night
💆‍♀️ Enjoy an at-home spa
💌 Write love-letters to each other
🎬 Cuddle up and enjoy a marathon
📵 Have a "no-phones" date
🍽️ Cook a meal together

YOU DESERVE IT! 💖

Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate love, joy, and connection—you deserve to experience fun, peace, and happiness. If your relationship feels overwhelming, controlling, or lacks respect and consent, it may be a sign of abuse. Remember, you are not alone, and support is available (link in bio).

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove #valentinesday #dateideas #valentinesdateideas

Let’s be real—dating someone older can feel exciting. They have money, freedom, experience. They make you feel special, different, chosen. If you feel out of place, they might seem like an escape. But that “fantasy” can quickly turn into control.

WHEN MATURITY IS USED AGAINST YOU
Power differences matter. Who has more experience? Who makes the decisions? Who would have more trouble leaving? If the relationship works because one person has more control, that’s an imbalance.

WHY CAN'T THEY DATE PEOPLE THEIR AGE?
If they’re so great, wouldn’t people their age be interested? If they say, "People my age are immature," why are you the exception?

WHAT STARTS EXCITING BECOMES OVERWHELMING
At first, it feels romantic. Then comes the pressure—to act older, accept things you’re not ready for, keep them happy even when it feels wrong. That’s not just unfair—it’s dangerous.

SOMETIMES IT'S NOT FATE- IT'S INTENTIONAL
Some older people seek younger partners not for maturity, but because they’re easier to control.

LOVE OR CONTROL? ASK YOURSELF:
Do they respect my boundaries? Do they pressure me? Do they treat me as an equal? If the relationship only works because you’re easier to influence—that’s not love.

IF SOMETHING FEELS OFF, TRUST YOURSELF
No matter how much they say you’re “mature for your age,” you deserve time to grow, to be young, to make your own choices—without someone older trying to shape them for you.

If you’re questioning a relationship, talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to prove your maturity by staying in a situation that doesn’t feel right. (resources in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #agegaprelationship #grooming #coercion #youresomatureforyourage #abuse #love #relationships #narcissism #thatsnotlove #lovebombing #respect

WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES? ⚖️
In a relationship, boundaries are **guidelines** on behaviors, actions, and interactions you and your partner are comfortable with. They define what’s okay and what isn’t, and they look different for everyone.

TYPES OF BOUNDARIES:
🧍 Physical| 💞 Sexual | 💙 Emotional | 💰 Financial | ⏳ Time| 🗣️ Communication| 📱 Digital | 🎁 Material

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES: ✅
Involve clear, respectful communication of personal limits, allowing individuals to maintain their identity and well-being while fostering mutual respect.

UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES: ❌
Are limits or behaviors that violate your well-being or others’. They may be too rigid, too flexible, or poorly communicated, leading to harmful dynamics.

WHO SETS BOUNDARIES?🤝
Both partners are responsible for setting, maintaining, and enforcing them.

HOW TO SET & ENFORCE BOUNDARIES: ✍️
Setting boundaries includes clear communication, consistent enforcement, clear consequences, following through, and reassessing if necessary.

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW TO SET AND ENFORCE BOUNDARIES, READ: 🔗 thatsnotlove.com/boundaries (link in bio)

REMEMBER, YOU MATTER! 💜
If you are experiencing unhealthy or disrespected boundaries in your relationship, you may be experiencing abuse. There are resources that can help. You are not alone. (link in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #thatsnotlove

What is Sexual Coercion? ❌💔
It's when someone pressures, manipulates, or guilts you into sexual activity. It’s not real consent if you feel forced, obligated, or threatened.

SIGNS OF SEXUAL COERCION
😢 Emotional Manipulation – Guilt-tripping, threats, or blame.
⏳ Persistent Pressure – Asking repeatedly after you say no.
🍷 Using Intoxication – Taking advantage when you can't consent.
💔 False Promises – Saying sex will bring closeness or commitment.
🚫 Ignoring Boundaries – Making you feel guilty for saying no.

IT’S NOT ABOUT "NO"—IT’S ABOUT CONSENT
Consent must be clear, enthusiastic, and mutual. If you’re pressured or manipulated into saying "yes," that’s not consent.

COERCION CAN BE SUBTLE
It’s not always obvious. Phrases like "If you loved me, you’d do this" or "Everyone else is doing it" are manipulation, not love.

IT’S NEVER YOUR FAULT
If someone tries to pressure you, it’s on them—not you. Your boundaries deserve respect. IT IS NOT CONSENT IF YOU ARE FORCED TO SAY YES.

WHAT TO DO
✅ Trust your gut—if it feels wrong, it is.
✅ Set boundaries and stick to them.
✅ Talk to someone you trust (friend, family, counselor).
✅ Reach out for help—you’re not alone.

REMEMBER, YOU MATTER. 🧡
If you're experiencing sexual coercion or a lack of consent in your relationship, it may be a form of abuse. Reach out for help and remember, you are not alone. (resources in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

Abuse doesn't just happen to adults. Here are some statistics about Teen Dating Violence:

-1 in 3 teens in the U.S. experiences physical, emotional, or sexual abuse from a dating partner before they turn 18.

-Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told someone about it.

-Almost 1 in 10 teens in relationships report having a partner tamper with their social media account, which is the most frequent form of abuse.

-Approximately 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men who experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by a partner first experienced some form of partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age.

-3% of college women report experiencing violent or abusive dating behaviors.

Teen dating violence doesn’t just hurt individuals—it impacts families, schools, and entire communities. When teens learn about healthy relationships early, they’re more likely to recognize red flags and avoid abusive situations. Knowledge is power—let’s give them the tools to thrive.

REMEMBER, YOU MATTER!
If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence or abuse, reach out for help. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationship. (resources linked in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

Real love should feel comforting and peaceful, not scary or harmful. If your relationship is leaving you feeling anxious or unsafe, it’s time to put your well-being first.

Here are 5 signs that your 'sweet' love might actually be a 🍬 sour candy in disguise:

💔 Love-bombing: Excessive gifts, flattery, or affection may seem sweet, but it’s often a tactic to gain control and manipulate trust.

😠 Jealousy and Possessiveness: Constant accusations or angry reactions when others show you attention can indicate control disguised as love.

😞 Put-Downs: If your partner belittles or humiliates you in private or public, it’s a sign of emotional manipulation, not love.

⚠️ Blame-Shifting: A partner who blames you for their harmful actions or threatens self-harm to guilt you into staying is manipulating the situation for control.

🚫 Controlling Behavior: If your partner tries to dictate your actions or decisions, it's not love—it's control masked as care.

🌀 Gaslighting: When your partner makes you question your reality or dismisses your feelings, it’s a form of emotional abuse.

Sweet love is all about respect, trust, and support—it should protect you, not make you feel afraid. You deserve a love that lifts you up, not one that weighs you down. To read a full list of red flags in relationships, go to our website (link in bio)

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM) is a national effort to raise awareness about the prevalence of dating violence among teens and young adults and to promote healthy relationship education. The goal is to end teen dating violence and create a future where victims are safe and free from abuse

WHEN IS IT?

TDVAM takes place every February. In 2006, the first Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month was organized by S.A.F.E.'S (Stop Abuse for Everyone) Expect Respect program.

TDVAM'S HISTORY

The call to end teen dating violence was formally recognized in 2006 and 2007 when both Houses of Congress declared the first week in February National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week. In the same year, The National Hotline for Domestic Violence established Love is Respect, and a teen dating violence hotline. In 2010, Congress declared the entire month of February National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.

WHY IS TDVAM IMPORTANT?

-About 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner.

-Every year, nearly 1.5 million high school students are physically abused by their partner.

-Approximately 8.5 million women first experienced rape before the age of 18.

TDVAM empowers teens with resources, education, and the tools to recognize unhealthy relationships, advocate for themselves, and support peers. It isn’t just about raising awareness; it’s about saving lives. By educating teens, parents, and communities, we can stop the cycle of abuse before it starts.

If you or a friend is experiencing abuse in a relationship, seek help. You are not alone. YOU MATTER!

#TDVAM #teendatingviolenceawarenessmonth #loveisrespect #respect #relationships #love #abuse #datingviolence #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #healthyrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #consent #sexualcoercion #lovebombing #youmatter #emotionalabuse #thatsnotlove

From our hearts (literally) to yours, Happy Holidays! We wish you a time of joy, safety, and happiness with your friends and family. Remember, YOU MATTER!

-thatsnotlove

This holiday season, let’s come together to support those who need it most. Domestic violence shelters provide a lifeline to survivors and their families, but they need our help to continue their critical work. Here are some ways you can help give the gift of safety to your community:

DONATE ESSENTIALS
Whole families are affected by domestic violence. Contribute items like warm clothing, toiletries, non-perishable food, and toys for children. Many shelters post wish lists online, or on social media. Don't know of any local shelters? No problem! You can find shelters in your area at: www.domesticshelters.org

MONETARY CONTRIBUTIONS
Shelters often operate on limited budgets. Financial donations can help fund critical services like counseling, legal support, and safe housing...and the best part? You can use these contributions for your taxes!

VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME
Offer to help with administrative tasks, meal preparation, or organizing holiday events for residents.

ORGANIZE A DONATION DRIVE
Rally your community, workplace, or local groups to collect much- needed items for shelters. Consult with your local shelter first to understand their needs.

USE YOUR NETWORK
Share information about local shelters and their needs on social media or within your network to encourage others to contribute.

REMEMBER YOU MATTER
If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence, reach out for help. Domestic Violence often intensifies during the holiday season. There are resources available.

#happyholidays #givingback #holidays #safetyplan #safetyplanning #leavingabuse #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #abuse #abuseresources #boundaries #crossedboundaries

This holiday season, remember that gifts go both ways! Relationships are partnerships, not one-sided efforts. You deserve to receive the love and care you offer. Here are some things you should be receiving back in a relationship:

-RESPECT
-SUPPORT
-EMPATHY
-CONSIDERATION
-UNDERSTANDING

If you’re constantly giving without receiving, it’s time to reevaluate. You pour your heart into them—don’t you deserve the same in return?

If you or anyone you know is experiencing abuse, know that help is available. You deserve to feel safe and respected in a relationship. YOU MATTER!

(resources linked in bio)

#giftsgobothways #giftideas #christmas #holidays #safetyplan #safetyplanning #leavingabuse #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #crossedboundaries #verbalabuse #boundariesinrelationships #respect

The holidays can be a tough time for someone experiencing domestic violence. If you have a friend in need- it can be hard to know how to help. Here are 4 ways you can support a friend experiencing domestic violence this holiday season:

BE OBSERVANT
Pay attention to changes in behavior or signs of distress. Offer a safe space to talk without pushing. It may be hard for your friend to admit what is going on in their relationship.

OFFER PRACTICAL HELP
Assist with tasks like childcare, gift shopping, or connecting them to local resources.

BE NEUTRAL AND SUPPORTIVE
Avoid judgment and don’t pressure them to leave the situation. Instead, remind them you’re there for them no matter what. It often takes more than once for an abuse survivor to fully leave the relationship, but knowing they have support helps. Leaving is also one of the most dangerous times for an abuse survivor. They may not end the relationship if they believe it's too dangerous. Be patient and manage your expectations.

CREATE A SAFETY PLAN
If they are ready, help them plan for their safety, including packing essentials or identifying safe places to go. You can create your own, interactive safety plan with The National Domestic Violence Hotline's Safety Planning tool (link in bio).

REMEMBER, YOU MATTER!
If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence, reach out for help. Domestic Violence often intensifies during the holiday season. There are resources available.

#domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #crossedboundaries #verbalabuse #boundariesinrelationships #healthyboundaries #unhealthyboundaries

Here are five gifts you can give your romantic partner this holiday season that cost absolutely NOTHING!

RESPECT
You can't go wrong with this gift! Respect is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Your partner will love you treating them with kindness, valuing their opinions, and honoring their personal space.

SUPPORT
This is a gift that never goes unnoticed! Being there for your partner, whether they’re facing challenges or celebrating victories, will make them feel truly valued and loved. They’ll appreciate knowing you’ve got their back.

EMPATHY
This gift speaks volumes! Showing empathy means understanding your partner’s feelings and perspectives. They’ll feel heard and supported, knowing that you genuinely care about what they’re going through.

PATIENCE
Patience is a priceless gift in a relationship. Whether it's giving them time to process emotions or space to grow, your partner will cherish your understanding and willingness to let things unfold at their own pace.

CONSIDERATION
Thoughtful gestures go a long way! Being considerate shows that you pay attention to your partner’s needs and wants. They’ll feel loved and appreciated when you make an effort to anticipate and respect their feelings.

GIFTS GO BOTH WAYS
Relationships are a two-way street, and it’s important that these gifts aren’t just something you give, but something you also receive. If your partner isn’t offering you the same respect, support, empathy, patience, and consideration, it might be a sign to reevaluate the relationship.

#giftideas #christmas #holidays #safetyplan #safetyplanning #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships

A safety plan is a personalized, practical strategy to help someone experiencing domestic violence stay safe, whether they choose to leave the relationship or not. It's a roadmap designed to empower and protect, covering everything from how to leave in an emergency to securing emotional support.

WHY SAFETY PLANS MATTER:
Domestic violence situations can be unpredictable and escalate quickly. A safety plan equips individuals with tools and resources to respond effectively and protect themselves and their loved ones. It’s about being prepared, empowering survivors with choices, and reducing the risks they face—whether they’re staying, leaving, or unsure about their next steps.

ASPECTS OF A SAFETY PLAN:
Safety plans can include, but are not limited to the following information: Safe places to go Emergency contacts Packing an essentials bag Legal steps & resources.

HOW TO MAKE A SAFETY PLAN:
Safety planning can feel overwhelming when you're going through a tough situation, but there are tools to help. You can create your own, interactive safety plan with The National Domestic Violence Hotline's Safety Planning tool (link in bio):
www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan

#holidays #safetyplan #safetyplanning #leavingabuse #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #crossedboundaries #verbalabuse #boundariesinrelationships #respect #loveisrespect #staysafe

Every home deserves peace this season. But for many, the holidays bring not joy, but fear. Domestic violence doesn’t take a holiday—and for survivors, this time of year can be especially isolating. Here are some reasons why abuse often INCREASES during the holidays.

FINANCIAL STRESS
The holidays can bring added financial pressure, from buying gifts to hosting gatherings. For individuals prone to abusive behavior, this stress can escalate tensions, leading to more frequent or severe abuse.

INCREASED SUBSTANCE USE
Holiday parties and celebrations often involve alcohol or other substances, which can lower inhibitions and heighten aggressive tendencies in some individuals, exacerbating abusive behaviors.

HEIGHTENED EXPECTATIONS AND EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
The holidays come with societal expectations of joy, family togetherness, and perfection. For families already in distress, unmet expectations or unresolved past conflicts can trigger abusive episodes.

ISOLATION FROM SUPPORT SYSTEMS
Many survivors find themselves cut off from their usual support networks during the holidays, whether due to travel, family obligations, or controlling behavior by the abuser, making it harder to seek help or escape the abuse.

REMEMBER YOU MATTER!
If you or anyone you know is experiencing signs of domestic violence, reach out for help. Domestic Violence often intensifies during the holiday season. There are resources available. (link in bio)

#happyholidays #givingback
#giftsgobothways #giftideas #christmas #holidays #safetyplan #safetyplanning #leavingabuse #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries

If a partner or family member consistently ruins the holidays, it could be a red flag of abusive behavior. Here's how this behavior might manifest and why it matters:

1. Control and Isolation
Abusers may sabotage plans to isolate their partner, refusing family visits, creating last-minute conflicts, or canceling gatherings. This cuts the victim off from their support system.

2. Emotional Sabotage
Starting fights, bringing up hurtful topics, or guilt-tripping their partner about celebrating shifts focus to the abuser’s needs and away from joy.

3. Financial Abuse
Abusers may withhold money for gifts, criticize spending, or push for extravagant purchases that create financial strain, using finances to exert control.

4. Undermining Traditions
Mocking or refusing to participate in traditions robs the victim of happiness and weakens their connection to their values and culture.

5. Weaponizing Stress
Abusers often use holiday stress as an excuse for their behavior, blaming the victim with statements like, “You know I hate the holidays,” or “If you hadn’t done X, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Why It’s a Sign of Abuse
Sabotaging the holidays isn’t just selfish; it’s a way for abusers to assert control, disrupt joy, and keep the victim off-balance.

You deserve holidays filled with love, peace, and mutual respect. There is help (resources in bio).

#happythanksgiving #thanksgiving #gratitude #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #crossedboundaries #verbalabuse #boundariesinrelationships #healthyboundaries #unhealthyboundaries

Thank you all for your courage and resilience, whether you are a survivor, or advocate- you are seen and appreciated.

This year I am thankful for inner peace, feeling safe, and all of the people who have made DV education accessible. Remember: YOU MATTER!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

#happythanksgiving #thanksgiving #gratitude #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #crossedboundaries #verbalabuse #boundariesinrelationships #healthyboundaries #unhealthyboundaries

Domestic Violence impacts the WHOLE family, not just the one directly experiencing it. It can impact children, finances, parenting, familial relationships, and life for generations.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, it's crucial to remember that help is available. Support services exist to assist families in crisis, providing safe spaces, resources, and guidance for healing.

CREATE A SAFETY PLAN
www.thehotline.org/what-is-a-safety-plan
@ndvhofficial

FIND HELP IN YOUR AREA
www.domesticshelters.org/help
@domesticshelters

#domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #boundaries #crossedboundaries #verbalabuse #boundariesinrelationships #healthyboundaries #unhealthyboundaries

Love is kind—it lifts, heals, and empowers. On #WorldKindnessDay, let’s remember that true love never harms, belittles, or breaks us down. Real love nurtures and respects. Let's spread kindness today and always.

#loveiskind #loveisrespect #relationships #kindness #abusesupport #abuseresources

We spoke with @esperanzaunited to learn how they have been serving Latinas and Latin@ communities through innovative projects to end gender-based violence for the last 40+ years!

Read more at thatsnotlove.com/spotlight/esperanzaunited
(link in bio)

#esperanzaunited #domesticviolence #genderbasedviolence #youmatter #abuseresources #thereishelp #physicalabuse #emotionalabuse #latina

STRESS is a natural response to challenging situations, but after an abusive relationship, stress can feel overwhelming and constant. Abuse can trigger your body's "fight or flight" response, keeping you in a state of high alert even when the threat is gone. This can lead to physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or difficulty sleeping.

Here are some ways you can manage stress after an unhealthy or abusive relationship --->

1. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF
Managing stress starts with understanding that healing takes time and there’s no “right” way to recover. Being patient with yourself is crucial. Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment—they are part of the healing process.

2. PRACTICE GROUNDING TECHNIQUES
Grounding techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or focusing on the five senses can help calm your body when stress peaks. These practices bring you back to the present moment, interrupting the cycle of anxious thoughts.

3. REACH OUT FOR HELP
Surround yourself with supportive people. Reaching out to a therapist, a friend, or a support group can provide a safe space to process your feelings and offer guidance on your healing journey.

4. KNOW YOU MATTER!
Healing isn't a linear process, and every bit of progress matters. Be kind to yourself—surviving an abusive relationship is an act of strength, and learning to manage stress is part of reclaiming your peace. YOU MATTER!

Resources linked in bio.

#stressawarenessday
#domesticviolenceawareness #emotionalabuse #physicalabuse #coercivecontrol #sexualcoercion #reproductivecoercion #narcissim #narcissisticabuse #relationships #youmatter #lovebombing #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse #abuseresources #thereishelp #intimatepartnerviolence #economicabuse #postseperationabuse #abusesupport #abuseresources #domesticabuse #abuseisnotlove #abuse

NEW CHAPTER ALERT! Read That's Not Love "Boundaries (Halloween Edition) on WEBTOON today! (link in bio)

#thatsnotlove #boundaries #healthyboundaries #domesticviolenceawareness #relationships #webcomics #webtoon #abuse #love #unhealthyrelationships #settingboundaries #narcissism

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