In a relationship, boundaries are guidelines on how you and your partner agree on behaviors, actions, and interactions you are comfortable with. They define what's okay and what isn't okay in
a relationship, and they look different for everyone.
Types of Boundaries
There are many different types of boundaries in a relationship. Here are some of them:
(To read in-depth examples about each of these boundaries, click here)
PHYSICAL
Physical boundaries refer to personal space and physical touch preferences, defining how much physical closeness someone is comfortable with in a relationship.
SEXUAL
Sexual boundaries involve consent and communication about what sexual activities one is comfortable engaging in, ensuring mutual respect and understanding.
EMOTIONAL
Emotional boundaries protect personal feelings and mental well-being by setting limits on how much emotional energy or vulnerability one shares with others.
FINANCIAL
Financial boundaries define how money is handled within a relationship, including expectations around spending, saving, and shared expenses.
TIME
Time boundaries refer to setting limits on how much time is spent together versus apart, ensuring each person has time for themselves and other commitments.
COMMUNICATION
Communication boundaries refer to the preferred ways of exchanging thoughts, feelings, and information, including how and when conversations take place, the tone used, and the comfort level with discussing sensitive topics.
DIGITAL
Digital boundaries involve the guidelines around the use of technology in a relationship, including the privacy of personal devices, social media sharing, and how frequently partners communicate online.
MATERIAL
Material Boundaries refer to the guidelines around the use, sharing, and ownership of physical possessions, ensuring that both partners respect each other’s belongings and personal space.
Healthy and Unhealthy Boundaries
Boundaries can be healthy and unhealthy.
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
involve clear, respectful communication of personal limits, allowing individuals to maintain their identity and well-being while fostering mutual respect in relationships.
UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES
are limits or behaviors that either violate your own well-being or the well-being of others. They often involve being too rigid, too flexible, or failing to communicate and enforce personal limits, leading to harmful dynamics in relationships.
Who is Responsible for Setting Boundaries?
Both partners are responsible for setting, maintaining and enforcing healthy boundaries in a relationship. When a partner violates your physical, sexual, emotional, financial, or time boundaries you can lose respect or trust. So, how do you set and enforce boundaries in a relationship?
How to Set and Enforce Boundaries
Here is how you can set and enforce boundaries in your relationships.
CLEARLY COMMUNICATE YOUR BOUNDARIES: openly and directly with your partner, and ensure that you are both in agreement about what they mean.
BE CONSISTENT WITH YOUR BOUNDARIES: even when it’s uncomfortable. Consistency reinforces that your boundaries are non-negotiable.
SET CONSEQUENCES: Calmly explain what will happen if your boundaries are crossed. These consequences should be reasonable and focused on protecting your well-being, not on punishing the other person.
FOLLOW THROUGH: If your boundary is violated, take the appropriate action based on the consequences you set. This shows that you value your limits and are serious about enforcing them.
REASSESS IF NECESSARY: If your partner struggles to respect your
boundaries, reassess the situation. Open a dialogue to discuss why it’s challenging for them, and decide whether adjustments are needed, but never compromise your core needs.
If your partner is incapable of respecting your boundaries, or you cannot agree on boundaries, it may be a sign that the relationship is not a right fit. Boundary setting should be an open and mutual discussion, not a fight.
It's Okay if Your Boundaries Change
What you are comfortable with today, you might not like tomorrow, or you may discover that something crosses a boundary for you after experiencing it for the first time. Communicate with your partner if your boundaries change, and check in with yourself that your boundaries are shifting because you want them too- not because someone is pressuring, forcing, or manipulating you to do so.
If your partner knowingly repeatedly crosses or violates your boundaries and causes you harm THAT’S NOT LOVE!
