"In a romantic relationship, CONSENT refers to on-going communication, mutual agreement, and boundaries for sexual activity."
At my University Orientation I was shown the famous TEA video about consent. If you haven't seen it, don't worry.
In a romantic relationship, CONSENT refers to on-going communication, mutual agreement, and boundaries for sexual activity.
If someone does not respect your CONSENT, that's not love.
Who Can Give Consent?
Consent can be given by sober participants. Consent cannot be given by minors, people who are unconscious, sleeping, incapacitated due to drugs, alcohol, or medication, or who cannot understand or make informed decisions about sex due to mental state or capacity.
IT IS NOT CONSENT IF YOU ARE THREATENED TO SAY YES.
What Consent Is:
Enthusiastic. Informed. Mutual.
CONSENT can be GIVEN...
This can be verbally, like saying "Yes," or non-verbally* (nodding, or pulling you closer).
*Erection, Lubrication, and arousal can be involuntary and does NOT automatically mean consent has been given. Always check with your partner before proceeding.
or WITHDRAWN at any time.
You can revoke consent if you feel uncomfortable, even if you have previously consented to a sexual activity. It is okay to change your mind.
Practice checking in with your partner to ensure everyone is on the right page about what is happening in the moment.
CONSENT should always be RESPECTED
Respecting sexual boundaries and consent is essential in all romantic relationships, committed or otherwise. Both partners must be involved the decision to participate in sexual activity. Not respecting consent can lead to sexual assault or rape.
What Consent Isn't
Forced. Pressured. Manipulated. Assumed.
Using IMTIMIDATION or FEAR to COERCE someone into giving into sexual activity.
This includes verbal, physical, & emotional threats,
Assuming that someone who is flirting, wearing certain clothes, or has engaged in sexual contact in the past is an invitation for sexual advances.
Flirting, clothing, and past relationship do not mean consent to sexual activity or attention. Furthermore, being in a relationship does not automatically give consent to sexual activity.
Refusing to listen to or acknowledge "No."
No does not mean continue, try again, or work harder. "No" means "No."
How to Practice Consent with your Partner
Examples of Verbal Consent
VERBAL CONSENT includes verbal communication that can imply consent to sexual activity. It is the safest way of confirming you and partner are in agreement. Here are some examples of words or phrases that can confirm consent to sexual activity:
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"Yes"
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"That sounds great."
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"That feels good."
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"I want to do this more."
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etc
How to Check in With Your Partner
It's important to periodically check in with your partner to ensure you are both comfortable in an intimate situation. Here's are some questions you can ask to check in:
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"Is this okay?"
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"Are you comfortable?"
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Do you like this?"
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"Do you want me to continue?"
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"Do you want me to stop?"
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Do you want to slow down?
If you are experiencing a lack of consent in your relationship, you may be experiencing abuse. Click the button below to find resources that can help. Remember: you are not alone. You MATTER!
SOURCES
Emmeline May and Blue Seat Studios, “Tea Consent.” Copyright 2015,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGoWLWS4-kU&t=27s.
“What Consent Looks Like.” RAINN,
www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent.
“Consent Definition & Meaning.” Merriam-Webster,
www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/consent.
“Sexual Coercion.” Sexual Coercion | Office on Women’s Health,
www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion.