Lovebombing in Relationships

Love-Bombing (Noun. also love-bombing, lovebombing) is the act of showing someone a lot of love or positive attention in order to make them do what you want:

Love bombing is a type of emotional abuse. It can happen in any type of relationship (friendship, familial, romantic, etc).

Some religious cults practice love-bombing, smothering potential recruits in false affection. -Cambridge Dictionary

“LOVEBOMBING is an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.” -Psychology Today

Why Abusers Use Lovebombing

Abusers use Love-Bombing to quickly gain your trust, loyalty and respect. After all, who doesn't like attention, affection, or gifts? Love-bombing can also be used as a distraction from past abusive behaviors.

Abusers can use Love-bombing in the process of grooming, the process of building a trusting relationship over time to manipulate, coerce you into a relationship or sexual activity.

Abusers can also use Love-bombing in the reconciliation phase of an abusive relationship, to restore trust, hope, and confuse their partners about their true character.

Here's how it can look like in a romantic context:

Examples of Love-Bombing in a Relationship

Quickly Accelerating the Relationship

Love-bombers will often declare love early on in the relationship, sometimes within

weeks. They may also use words like "soulmates" or "twin flames,"

Showering you with Gifts

Love-bombers use gifts to gain your attention, trust, and admiration. These gifts

may be used later to guilt-trip or obligate you into doing what they want in the future.

Examples of Love-bombing with gifts in a relationship:

Buying you high-end clothing, jewelry, or vacations.
Paying for every date, even if you offer to pay.
Buying you flowers/gifts after an abusive episode
Paying your bills (rent, mortgage, car payment)

While is nice to have a sugardaddy or sugarmomma, the key here is that these gifts may feel overwhelming, or inappropriate for the stage of the relationship. However, lovebombing can also include less-grand gifts, depending on what may appeal specifically to you.

Constant Communication

It's normal to want to talk to a new love interest or partner, however if someone is texting or calling you to the point of discomfort, or overly nice in an out-of-character way after an argument/conflict, it may be a sign of lovebombing

The Difference between Kindness and Lovebombing

The difference between a genuine ACT OF KINDESS and LOVEBOMBING is that

LOVEBOMBING is done with the goal to CONTROL you.

For some people, gift-giving and words of affirmation are a very important love language. It is okay if you or your partner enjoy freely expressing affection, and giving gifts or acts of service. If their acts of kindness are genuine, safe, and don't overstep your boundaries it is fine.

However, if you feel like your partner's act's of kindness always come with demands or strings attached, that could be a sign of lovebombing. Gifts are not tools, or obligations to make you do something you are uncomfortable with.