Warning Signs in a Relationship
Here are some things you can look out for as warning signs that you may be in an ABUSIVE or UNHEALTHY relationship. Watch out for someone who:
Tries to accelerate the relationship too quickly
This could be proposing marriage or moving in-together right after meeting, or making future plans in a way that is inappropriate for your stage in the relationship
Lovebombs you with excessive gift-giving, overly-flattering messages, attention, or affection to gain your trust.
Tries to isolate you from friends and family
This includes trying to interfere, control, or stop your ability to communicate with others, who you hang out with, and where you're allowed to go. They also may try to restrict your access to knowledge.
Is overly jealous or possessive and refuses to give you trust
Accuses you of cheating or wanting attention from other men or women, acts aggressive or violent when you receive attention from other people.
Puts you down in private or in front of others
Calls you derogatory names or mean nicknames. Constantly criticizes you. Repeatedly humiliates or embarrasses you in from of other people on purpose.
See Emotional Abuse
Threatens to harm themselves or others because of something you have or haven't done. Blames you for their actions.
Blame-Shifting can make you feel like you're responsible & guilty and at fault for their actions.
Prevents you from accessing money, working, going to school, or making your own decisions.
Restricts your access to money. Doesn't contribute to bills. Makes you take out loans in your name for their benefit. Makes you lose your job or interferes with your work.
See Economic Abuse
Doesn't respect your boundaries around sex, birth control, or reproduction.
Forces you into having sex when you don't want to. Tampers with your contraception. Asks you to watch or make porn when you've expressed you're not interested.
See Sexual Abuse and Coercion
See Reproductive Coercion
Hits, Slaps, Punches, or Restrains You
Not all abuse is physical. If you begin to feel afraid of your partner, or you begin to feel unsafe in your relationship- that is a red flag.
See Physical Abuse
Feels like they have two personalities, and you're afraid of the angry one
if you feel like your partner has two separate personalities- one that is loving and kind, and another that scares you, that is a red flag. Abusers often project a good image at the beginning of the relationship before devaluing and abusing you. Furthermore, abusers don't abuse all the time, which can feel confusing.
Pressures you to drink or do drugs. Sabotages your sobriety
Uses substances to manipulate you into un-consensual activity. Uses access to substances to keep you dependent in the relationship.
Makes you feel unsafe in any way, even if they haven't hit you
Not all abuse is physical. If you begin to feel afraid of your partner, or you begin to feel unsafe in your relationship- that is a red flag.
See Types of Abuse
Other Red Flags Include:
-
You feel like you can’t tell your friends or family what is happening because you don’t want them to dislike or hate your partner.
-
You feel anxious, sad, and depressed because of the relationship.
-
You feel like you don't know who your partner is anymore
-
You feel like you are trapped, and you are afraid to make your partner angry.
These are some examples and not a complete list. If you do not see a sign listed here that does not mean you aren't in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Furthermore, if you are researching red flags because of something you are currently experiencing, that is probably a sign that something is wrong. To learn more about HEALTHY, UNHEALTHY & ABUSIVE relationships, check out the RELATIONSHIP SPECTRUM.
Why do I miss red flags?
We all know red flags mean danger, but they aren't always the easiest to spot. If you wonder why you miss red flags, read our post Why do I miss Red Flags?