The Relationship Spectrum
There are HEALTHY, UNHEALTHY, & ABUSIVE relationships. They exist on the RELATIONSHIP SPECTRUM. Scroll down to learn more about them and what to do if you find yourself in an UNHEALTHY or ABUSIVE relationship.
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Healthy Relationships
A HEALTHY relationship is based on EQUALITY and MUTUAL RESPECT.
In HEALTHY relationships you can have open communication with your partner, and can make joint decisions together about the relationship. You can set healthy boundaries around topics like sex and time spent together.
You feel like EQUAL partners.
Unhealthy Relationships
In an UNHEALTHY relationship, one person tries to DICTATE the terms of the relationship.
They may lie, ignore or cross your boundaries, pressure you into things you are uncomfortable with (sex acts, PDA, financial entanglement, etc) or try to control how you spend your time and which company you keep.
You may feel disrespected, insecure, isolated, or like you increasingly lack control.
Abusive Relationships
In an ABUSIVE relationship, one person tries to make all of the decisions and CONTROL their partner. They will try to MAINTAIN POWER through various destructive means (emotional, physical, economic, sexual abuse) etc.
In an ABUSIVE relationship you may feel: scared, depressed, confused & trapped even if your partner has not hit you.
You may feel like you have NO POWER or that you can’t tell anyone about what’s going on in your relationship because of fear or shame. You may feel like your whole life revolves around your partner, and that you are not allowed to have your own life, friends, goals, or identity.
An UNHEALTHY relationship is not always an ABUSIVE relationship, but an ABUSIVE relationship is ALWAYS unhealthy.
So what should you do when you see signs that your relationship is unhealthy or abusive? Let's use a driving metaphor.
You and your partner both take turns driving. You can discuss what music plays on the radio together, and what your destination (FUTURE) is.
This is a HEALTHY relationship
This is your car (RELATIONSHIP)
GREEN LIGHT: GO
However, as time goes on your partner starts to insist on driving the car because they are “a better driver.” You trust them, because they love you and want what’s best for you...right?
Except they start to also dictate the music you both listen to on the radio, and you’re having arguments about the destination. More concerning, they have started to drive recklessly.
This is an UNHEALTHY relationship.
YELLOW LIGHT: SLOW DOWN
Eventually your partner doesn’t let you drive the car at all (CONTROL) You never get to pick the songs on the radio. You don’t know what the destination is. Your partner says they will crash the car if you try to take the wheel (THREATS). You want to get out of the car but it’s not safe to jump yet. Things have gone from 0 to 100 before you even know it.
This is an ABUSIVE relationship.
RED LIGHT! STOP! (When you can)
Paying attention to red flags, and learning what type of relationship you're in can help you understand what to do in an UNHEALTHY or ABUSIVE relationship.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing abuse in a relationship, you are NOT ALONE. There are resources and organizations that can help you find safety and peace.
SOURCES
“Relationship Spectrum.” Love Is Respect, 23 Feb. 2023,
www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/relationship-spectrum/.
“Healthy Relationships.” The Hotline, 7 Jan. 2022,
www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/.